Just days after the United States and the rest of the world was left to grapple with the realization that the Bush administration actually sought to protect the country’s national security above and beyond the collective imagination by secretly having the CIA spend nearly eight years planning to possibly capture and/or assassinate al Qaeda leaders, another Langley, Virginia-based bombshell fell squarely on Capitol Hill today, sending the still-reeling public in to the same state of shock and awe usually reserved for the nation’s enemies.
In an emergency joint-session of both the House and Senate Intelligence Committees, CIA Director Leon Panetta informed Congress that the CIA has, over the vociferous objections of former Vice President Dick Cheney, suspended its covert program which for nearly half a century planned the assassination of Cuban leader Fidel Castro.
“It seems clear to me, after reading the reports and examining the progress made to date, that it would be irresponsible for the Agency to continue spending millions of taxpayer dollars every year planning an action that it is increasingly obvious will be performed by God before we ever come up with a viable plan,” Panetta told the tearful committee members.
The announcement came as a shock to lawmakers, many of whom expressed outrage at the fact that they had not been briefed by any of the intelligence services who they claim had a moral, if not legal, obligation to inform them that Castro was still alive.
“It’s all Pelosi’s fault,” according to House minority leader John Boehner, “I think it’s safe to assume that having such a liberal ascend to the position of House Speaker has given Fidel a reason to hang on.”
Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN) went even farther, telling sobbing Fox News host Glenn Beck, “I think this sends the wrong message. Now is not the time for the United States to be perceived as soft on communism. I’ll bet Khrushchev is sitting in the Kremlin right now laughing his butt off at us.”
Representative Spencer Bachus (R-AL), who has already compiled a secret list of 17 socialists currently serving in the House of Representatives, called for the formation of a new ‘Un-American Activities Committee’ to investigate the infiltration of socialists into the CIA and other agencies, adding that at an early stage in his own private investigation, he already has compiled a secret list of 24 names in the CIA alone.
Calls on Administration to Seize Arthur Treacher’s Franchises
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, appearing at a book-signing for his recently published children’s story, “Mommy Can’t Protect You”, used the occasion to criticize England for creating increased instability in the Middle East by instigating civil unrest in the streets of Iran. He also continued his attacks on the Obama administration for what he calls “policies that continue to jeopardize the safety of American citizens”.
“Iran is a safe, stable, thriving democracy today because their government is not afraid to do whatever it takes to protect their citizens and their way of life,” Cheney told an audience of fidgety pre-schoolers, “And because their leaders have the moral courage to allow their interrogators to use the same methods that ours employed to gain intelligence that saved countless American lives, we now know that their assertions of a British led conspiracy to bring down their democratically elected regime were well founded.”
When asked what he thought the U.S. response to the confessions of British Embassy employees and others in custody for their involvement in recent protests in Iran should be, the bird hunter known as ‘Friendly-Fire” suggested a two-pronged strategy:
“First, I think we should enlist the international community to impose tough economic sanctions against Great Britain. They need to understand that unilateral intervention into the politics of sovereign nations is unacceptable and will not stand. Second, I think all Americans should start referring to those bread things with the nooks and crannies as ‘freedom muffins’.”
When asked for his reaction to Cheney’s remarks, an unusually subdued White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel told reporters, “I think it’s a brilliant f—–g idea. I believe that the f—–g ‘freedom muffins’ thing will go down in history as Vice President Cheney’s greatest f—–g contribution to the United States of America.”
House Minority Leader John Boehner’s office, when reached for comment, released the following statement:
GOP Accuses President of ‘Twisted Health Care Stunt’
Republican lawmakers and prominent conservative media figures slammed President Obama today, accusing him of carrying the swine flu virus back from his recent trip to Mexico and using the ensuing potential health pandemic as a political tool to scare the American public into supporting his health care plan. While most stopped short of accusing him of intentionally contracting the potentially fatal illness, they nonetheless lambasted the President, characterizing the Administration’s swift, authoritative, and comprehensive response to the potential crisis as “a twisted political stunt”.
Rush Limbaugh, the ironically porcine and heavily medicated conservative radio pundit and neo-Nazi icon, instructed his radio audience as well as the rest of the GOP, “Don’t let him get away with it! If everybody within the sound of my voice covered their mouths and noses with a white cloth – no, better yet, protect yourselves – dress entirely in white sheets, that’s it – white sheets, and take to the streets in a massive grass roots demonstration to let these infected D.C. liberals know that your children will only die socialist over your dead, influenza-ravaged corpse. Vaccines and flu shots belong to the majority of Americans with health insurance — after all, this is a democracy. And don’t forget to bring tea. My mom always said with honey and lemon — it’ll suppress the cough enough to let those commie fascists hear your righteous outrage!”
Elsewhere, reaction from the ‘loyal opposition’ was more muted, if not less severe.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, relaxing during a brief respite from his ‘Spread a Little Sunshine’ interview tour, said he doesn’t believe the President would intentionally infect the American population with a potentially deadly virus, “… a fact which only makes us appear weak in the eyes of our enemies and threatens the safety of every American,” the Cree-P VP told reporters, adding, “and if he had allowed waterboarding to continue, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed would probably have already confessed to masterminding an al Qaeda flu-plot and this whole situation may have been averted.”
Alabama Congressman Spencer Bachus blasted what he called a socialist plot to force universal health coverage down the already sore throats of frightened, flu-ridden voters, adding that he has compiled a list of seventeen members of the House of Representatives who have secretly received flu-shots since the President’s meeting with Mexican President Calderon.
Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) who under the tutelage of Karl Rove led the GOP’s successful fight to remove $870 million for ‘pandemic prevention’ from the Economic Stimulus Bill defended her position, saying only, “If I’d known ‘Typhoid Barry’ was going to travel to so many potentially infected areas outside of Washington, maybe I’d have done things differently, but nobody could have foreseen a major flu outbreak.”
House Minority Leader John Boehner issued only a brief statement through his office, which read: “It’s all Pelosi’s fault.”
In other news:
White House military office director Louis Caldera apologized to New York City residents who were understandably disturbed when one of the 747s used by the President flew alarmingly low over the Statue of Liberty and the lower Manhattan area devastated by the 9/11 attacks for approximately 30 minutes this morning, in what was apparently nothing more than an Air Force photo-op.
“I apologize and take responsibility for any distress that flight caused,” he said, adding, “Normally we’d just use computer simulation, but our video game guy was off today.”
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who initially expressed outrage over the flight, accepted the White House apology, telling reporters, “There’s a lot more political mileage in this flu-scare thing.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney stunned even some of his most ardent supporters this morning when he called for an investigation of Senator John McCain and other former prisoners of war.
In an interview on Fox News’ ‘Happening Now’, Cheney, appearing via satellite from his wartime residence known to the public as ‘An Undisclosed Location’, cited what he referred to as “the now-confirmed effectiveness” of harsh interrogation techniques “in obtaining reliable, actionable intelligence”.
“Now that we know how well these methods work, I shudder to think about the extent of the threats to our national security caused by their use on Senator McCain and countless other otherwise loyal Americans who served as prisoners of war,” the man affectionately called ‘Friendly-Fire’ by his hunting buddies told a visibly stunned Jon Scott, “And since putting all the cards on the table seems to be the flavor of the day, I say let’s get them in, put them under oath, and find out what they told our enemies, even if we have to break out the thumbscrews to do it.”
When asked why he chose to single out Senator McCain, a staunch ally of his administration and someone regarded as a national hero by Democrats and Republicans alike, the former Vice President, whose greatest disappointment ironically came when his fifth military deferment left him without sufficient time to serve in the Viet Nam War, responded with a terse, “Because Wainright is dead,” a reference to Medal of Honor recipient Gen. Jonathan Wainright, who survived more than three years in Japanese POW camps during World War II. “Look, we have no way of knowing how much damage has been done, and for all we know is still being done,” the ‘Cree-P VP’ continued, “Haven’t you ever heard of MK-Ultra or seen The Manchurian Candidate?”
In what is believed to be an historic first, conservative radio pundit and neo-Nazi icon Rush Limbaugh quoted, albeit with only a minimal degree of accuracy, an article from the New York Times in his vociferous defense of McCain and other American POWs. “Torture methods used by Communists in the Korean War… wrung false confessions from Americans,” the porcine pill-popper bellowed in a critical tone normally reserved for legislation designed to help the poor, “So you see, it’s right there in black and white. These methods do not work on Americans.”
While response from Capitol Hill lawmakers on both sides of the aisle generally ranged from, “He must have been drinking” to “Somebody’s still putting that guy on the air?” — some suggested that Cheney’s concerns might bear closer scrutiny.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told reporters, “While Senator McCain has my full support and confidence, I have suggested to his office that he might want to stay away from Intelligence Committee meetings until this thing blows over.”
Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-AL) refused to either confirm or deny that McCain’s name appears on his secret list of socialists on Capitol Hill, saying only, “I’m confident that in due course we will rid our government of the Red Menace once and for all.”
Finally, House Minority Leader John Boehner’s (R-OH) office released the following statement: “This is all Pelosi’s fault.”
Ever since Texas Governor Rick Perry sank his teeth into an otherwise routine conservative tea bagging of President Obama and his administration by suggesting that his state could possibly secede from the Union, pundits and rebel-rousers across the country have taken the balls and run with them.
And polls show the country is listening.
While 31% of Texans believe that the former republic has the right to secede, 75% polled would vote to remain in the Union. (RasmussenReports.com)
But polls in the other 49 states show overwhelming support for a new Texas Republic. Nearly two-thirds of adults nationwide who realize that the U.S. would lose roughly half of its current border with Mexico are willing to say ‘adios’ to the Lone Star State. And nearly 90% of registered democrats told pollsters that paying import tariffs on Dr. Pepper and Frito-Lay products would be a small price to pay to rid the United States of Texas residents Dick Cheney and George W. Bush. The poll also revealed that nearly half of U.S. residents nationwide, including 64% of Texans, have always considered the home of Six Flags, 7-Eleven, and eighth grade athlete red-shirting a separate country, at least in spirit if not in fact.
“Secession is the only viable option for Texas,” according to secession movement organizer Junior Toggles, III, “We have the resources, we have the firepower, and we have an education system that’s the envy of almost every country to our south. (www.amren.com) We are proud of our heritage, and won’t stand for the Islamic socialist fascism the TV says is coming from Washington.”
Alaska first-husband and champion snow machine racer Todd Palin, himself a former member of the secessionist Alaska Independence Party, expressed his support for southern counterparts. “An independent Texas is better prepared to deal with international issues than Washington is. You can see Mexico from there you know.” Palin also added that an independent Texas would be an “obviously natural ally” for an independent Alaska, noting, “We’d practically have them surrounded.”
‘Manopausal’ Fox News personality Glenn Beck, a supporter of the secessionist movement, is even taking time away from his paid journalism internship to take up the cause, announcing to his Friday cable audience that he is temporarily shelving plans for a Sunday morning show ‘The Sniveling Hardliner’ to dedicate more of his efforts to his new Political Action Committee ‘Patriotic Americans for Secession’. An unabashedly weeping Beck told his audience, “I’m sorry, I can’t help it. As much as l love my country, I love good barbecue and dressing up in cowboy outfits even more.”
In a related story, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, appearing on ‘This Week with George Stephanopoulos’, defended the President’s acceptance of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez’ invitation to join his monthly reading club. “President Chavez is making strong, concrete overtures demonstrating that he wants better relations with the United States,” Emanuel explained, “And when you look at developing events, such as the f****rs on Capitol Hill dragging their feet on an energy program, the c**k-s****rs in Alaska talking secession, and now a bunch of mother-f*****s in Texas suddenly joining in, you have to realize that we’re going to need an ally in this hemisphere with an abundant supply of oil.”
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Limbaugh Travels to Canada for Surgery
After American doctors refused to perform what they consider ‘unnecessary elective surgery’, conservative talk-radio pundit and neo-Nazi icon Rush Limbaugh traveled to Canada today, where physicians report he is resting comfortably after a 54-minute operation. During the procedure, known as a ‘liprectumy’ and performed under local anesthesia, surgeons successfully removed the lips of RNC Chairman Michael Steele and Georgia Representative Phil Gingrey from the porcine pill-popper’s considerable ass. Mr. Limbaugh’s insurance company declined coverage after two medical opinions both concluded that with 44 months remaining until the next Presidential election, performing the surgery now would provide only temporary relief at best.
Fatah, Hamas Reach Accord on ‘Two State’ Solution
In a stunning development, officials representing rival Palestinian groups Hamas and Fatah took only twelve minutes to hammer out an agreement on a ‘two state’ solution for disputed lands. Under their agreement, Fatah would control what are now defined as the ‘occupied territories’ on the West Bank and Gaza Strip. In return, Fatah would recognize Hamas as the legitimate government of all the territory currently referred to as ‘Israel’. Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni was muted in her response, saying that while she has “serious reservations about the plausibility of this scenario,” she nonetheless appreciates, “this historic moment when two of the three major players finally agreed on something.”
Surprise Ruling in C.I.A. Interrogation Tapes Lawsuit
The federal judge presiding over the ACLU’s Freedom of Information Act suit today ordered C.I.A. interrogators to “re-enact to the best of their recollection, and based on their expertise and experience – and on each other, not detainees,” the interrogations of terror suspects that appeared on the 92 video tapes destroyed by the agency in 2005. C.I.A. attorneys are expected to appeal the ruling.
Commerce Department Overhauls Terminology
After the three largest automakers all reported February sales at least 40% below the same period one year ago, the Commerce Department announced changes to its reporting terminology that it claims will “better represent the reality of current economic times as well as produce numbers more likely to build consumer confidence.” Beginning next month, used car sales will be eliminated from the automotive sector report, and instead be incorporated into the statistics for ‘sales of existing homes’.
Only Available at The Desperate Blogger Superstore
The Department of Homeland Security has detained Fox News host and former cool-kid wannabe Sean Hannity. While Department policy prohibits disclosure regarding details of pending investigations, Paul Katz, an anonymous source familiar with the case confirmed that ‘God’s bff’ is being questioned about alleged treasonous acts stemming from a poll on his website asking followers of his cult to vote on their preferred form of revolution. The three choices given are military coup, armed rebellion, and war for secession. (http://forums.hannity.com/showthread.php?t=1326121)
“It wouldn’t be looked upon so seriously if at least one of the options listed was something like ‘social’ or ‘political’, or as foreign as it may be to the suspect, ‘sexual’,” according to Katz, “But since the only options provided to people who, by virtue of the fact that they follow this guy, I would remind you might charitably be described as ‘unstable’, we must take very seriously that, at best, he may be inciting violence, and at worst, he’s seeking the violent overthrow of the same government with which he had such an obvious infatuation until January 20th.”
“You must always be very careful dealing with someone experiencing feelings of rejection,” said Dr. Newton M. Toomey, a professor of criminology and adolescent psychology at Pueblo State University, “Rejection is the emotion most likely to lead to violent behavior. When dealing with individuals like Mr. Hannity and his disciples you have to take into consideration that not only was the personification of their ideals, and by transference them, so roundly and thoroughly rejected worldwide, but their idol’s replacement is perceived by many as being universally worshiped. They speak of revolution the same way a jilted lover speaks of murder or murder-suicide. This sort of cry for help should never be taken lightly, as these situations so often end tragically.”
No indication has been given as to how long Mr. Hannity will be detained or if any charges have been or are expected to be filed.
In other news:
Colorado State Troopers Nail Rogue Jaywalker
The Colorado State Patrol finally managed to track down 58-year-old fugitive Denver bus driver Jim Moffett. And when they finally got close enough to his bed in the St. Anthony Medical Center where he is being treated for bleeding in the brain, broken bones in his face, a dislocated shoulder, a broken wrist and possible ruptured spleen and liver suffered when he was struck by a speeding pick-up truck just after pushing three people (including two elderly women) out of its path, the Troopers dispensed justice, ticketing the ‘wolf in good Samaritan’s clothing’ for jaywalking. State Senator and noted gay basher and religious fanatic Scott Renfroe (R-Greeley) applauded the troopers for their courage and swift action, saying, “Jaywalking is a sin and an abomination and offense to God. This man got what he deserved. The summons is just icing on the cake.”
Hedge Fund Managers Fear Worst is Imminent
Hedge fund managers are bracing for the worst, as reports indicate the Obama Administration is expected to seek the closure of a tax loophole that would result in all of their income actually being taxed as income.
According to Thomas B. Edsall of The Huffington Post:
“The most common arrangement provides that fund managers get a) a fee of 2 percent of the value of the fund, whether it goes up or down – a fee on which they pay ordinary income tax rates of up to 35 percent; and b) 20 percent of the annual profits, on which they pay only a 15-percent capital-gains tax rate.”
With the loophole closed, based on the flimsy logic that because the managers are not risking their own money, their ‘commissions’ should be considered income as opposed to capital gains, a fund manager who increases the value of his investors’ portfolio by $500 million dollars would only get to keep $65 million of that portion of his compensation instead of $85 million.
“I’m afraid people might start jumping out of windows,” said market analyst Ima Dippe-Schitte, “It’s a lot harder to live on $65 million than 85.”
Pope Snubs Colbert
Citing “experience and qualifications,” Pope Benedict XVI today named Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan, who in the last seven years has led the archdiocese of Milwaukee to two Final Four appearances, to succeed Cardinal Edward M. Egan as Archbishop of New York. Stephen Colbert, the host of Comedy Central’s ‘Colbert Report’, who in recent weeks had emerged as the front runner among Vatican watchers, was gracious in defeat. “Tim Dolan is fine Catholic who has a history of producing results – the guy’s a winner,” Colbert told Commonweal Magazine, “Until an appropriate opening becomes available, I’ll continue my pursuit of the Emmy for ‘Best Performance in a Variety or Music Program’ as well as a non-celibate lifestyle.”
Freed Guantanamo Detainee Arrives Home in Britain
Binyam Mohamed, who alleged he was tortured by U.S. interrogators during the 18 months he was detained in Morocco prior to being transferred to Guantanamo Bay, was finally released four months after all charges against him were dropped. “There was a lot of paperwork involved,” according to a Pentagon spokesman explaining the delay in Mohamed’s release, “We also needed time for our people to coerce his confession that he lied about having been tortured.”
Microsoft Denies Diversification Rumors
A corporate spokesman denied rumors the software giant plans an expansion into the banking industry. Rumors began circulating after Microsoft sent letters to laid-off employees requesting that they return amounts “overpaid” to them in their severance packages due to “an inadvertent administrative error”. “Just because we gave too much money to unemployed people and act surprised they’re not giving it back doesn’t make us a bank,” the spokesman insisted.
‘Slumdog’ Sequel Announced
Less than 24 hours after his film won eight Oscars including Best Picture, Slumdog Millionaire Director Danny Boyle announced plans for a sequel, to be set in the United States. “We’re developing a script now, and expect to begin shooting in 12-18 months,” Boyle told a genuflecting Ryan Seacrest. “By then, pretty much any American city should do for a proper setting.”
In what both sides are claiming as a major step toward victory in the War on Terror, sources confirmed today that a deal is in the works in which the United States would send former Vice President Dick Cheney to al Qaeda in exchange for Osama bin Laden and ‘future considerations’, reported to be two lower-level terrorists, the stature of which will be contingent upon bin Laden’s determined value to the U.S. after the next election season. According to a source close to the negotiations, the deal is considered “all but done” after both sides agreed to eliminate a standard clause that makes any trade contingent on both players passing physicals.
The final obstacle, expected to be resolved today, is the $50 million the United States has, until now, offered as a ‘reward’ for bin Laden’s apprehension. Scott Boras, Cheney’s agent, maintains that it should go to his client, arguing that, “As of January 20, Dick’s ‘no-trade’ clause has been in effect. He can veto any deal, and thus should be rewarded for waiving the clause.” Boras also expressed anger with al Qaeda for breaking the story early, saying he “had planned on releasing a statement to the media during the historic Senate vote on the economic stimulus bill.”
Disagreeing with Boras about the $50 million are both al Qaeda’s future leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri and White House Chief-of-Staff Rahm Emanuel. Emanuel was quoted as saying, “… No-trade clause my a** – just because he doesn’t work in Washington anymore doesn’t mean his f*****g Dr. Strangelove-looking a** doesn’t still belong to the American people… He should have been f*****g shipped out a long f*****g time ago… If he and his f*****g agent think he’s entitled to that f*****g money, they can kiss my f*****g a**.”
A comparatively subdued al-Zawahiri told reporters, “We are so thrilled at the prospect of having Dick Cheney’s talents here, where they rightfully belong, that our position is this: Let the imperialist, capitalist infidels keep their money. It’s going to be worthless soon enough anyway.”
When asked what prompted him to initiate the talks that led to this blockbuster deal through one of al Qaeda’s thousands of emissaries in Saudi Arabia, al-Zawahiri explained:
“We’re a small market team playing in the big leagues. We have to work with a fraction of the budget the traditional powers have. We can’t afford the firepower they can. We have to rely primarily on scouting, coaching, and the dedication of our team. As much as we’d love to kill millions of Americans, we have to be realistic. To emerge victorious in the long run, our best strategy is to keep the average American terrified – after all, isn’t that what terrorism is ultimately about? If they are scared enough, the imperialistic, capitalist infidels will bankrupt their country and forfeit their ‘precious freedom’ in the hope that this will protect them. So when a man with Dick Cheney’s extraordinary gifts becomes available, you have to pull the trigger, so to speak. We, of course, will miss our dear Osama tremendously. He has been a leader and an inspiration. But the fact remains that when he speaks, Americans feel ‘uneasy’. When Dick speaks, they become terrified. Ultimately, that’s what we’re in business for. Add to that what he can teach our younger players about treatment of prisoners and interrogation techniques, and it makes this deal a no-brainer for our organization.”
Speaking on condition of anonymity, sports analyst and counter-terrorism expert Paul Sokoloff, who was once employed by ‘Alex Station’, the CIA task force dedicated to bin Laden’s capture that was disbanded in 2005, commented, “This is a great deal for both sides. When it comes to terrifying the masses, al Qaeda gets the game’s pre-eminent ‘closer’. And I’m sure the guys who’ve been looking all these years are anxious to get this Osama guy in for debriefing. They couldn’t ask for anyone better to provide them with intelligence on bin Laden’s plans and whereabouts.”
President Bush, citing intelligence reports linking al Qaeda to a vast Canadian ‘suicide bird’ training network, today ordered air strikes against 6-8 suspected aviaries and wildlife preserves in Canada as retaliation for the apparent suicide geese attack against U.S. Airways flight 1549 this afternoon. “I know nobody was killed, thank God,” the visibly angry lame-duck told a hastily convened White House press conference, “but that was due to the heroic efforts of the pilot and crew.It’s obvious that the intention of these foul fowl was to kill Americans. Besides, do you have any idea of the impact on rush hour traffic?”
The President also had a stern warning for Canada as well as any other countries that might harbor what he referred to as “extremist terror nests”:“Our actions will be swift, and they will be severe,” he emphasized, “and your birds and larger flying insects are either with us or they are against us. But let me be perfectly clear about one thing — and you can mark my words on this — we will exterminate them over there so we won’t have to exterminate them over here.”
The President then outlined intelligence reports indicating that in recent months, suspected al Qaeda operatives had approached both government officials and black market sources in Canada, Greenland, and several Central and South American countries “in an effort to procure large numbers of dangerous birds which they would use to bring American air traffic to a standstill.”He also added, “And I think anybody who’s seen that Hitchcock movie knows their long-term agenda is probably even more sinister.”
CIA spokesman Christopher Toomey told reporters, “They fill the heads of these young birds with anti-West rhetoric, suggesting we commit such atrocities as eating their young, even their unborn.They tell them we keep their relatives locked up in cages.Then they teach them that if they die as martyrs, they will go to a place where the streets are paved with stale bread and that they will each be rewarded with 72 statues.The little pea-brains don’t stand a chance.”
A Pentagon spokesman would not confirm the number or locations of the targeted facilities, saying only that they were primarily in remote areas where “anybody around there on a Thursday afternoon won’t be missed.”
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who convened an emergency session of Parliament, was unavailable for comment, though an anonymous source close to the situation in Ottawa reports, “there is a general consensus, given the current global state of affairs, that Canada should immediately surrender and request foreign aid.”
Robert Gibbs, Barack Obama’s press secretary, issued a brief, prepared statement emphasizing the President-Elect’s previously stated [ad nauseam] position that “there is only one President at a time.” One transition team member, speaking on condition of anonymity, later added, “It never made sense to me that the President isn’t sworn-in earlier along with the rest of the government, but I never dreamed it would come back to bite us in the ass like this.”
