Embattled baseball superstar Manny Ramirez stunned a Los Angeles press conference today when he “came clean” about the presence in his system of human chorionic gonadotropin, a hormone produced by embryos during pregnancy.
“I’m carrying my friend Nadia’s next litter,” he told a visibly shaken group of reporters clearly unaccustomed to hearing such personal confessions from all-star left fielders, “We’re going to be mamas.”
Ramirez and Ms. Suleman, though a most unlikely pair, nonetheless quickly developed a strong friendship after meeting in early February during a taping of the popular TV reality series ‘LA’s Most Unstable”. While both share strong passions for both children and baseball, Ramirez insists their relationship is purely platonic. “Manny Ramirez is not a cheater – not in baseball, and not in marriage,” he insisted. “Nadia’s my sister… my BFF. And after these kids come, God willing, between the two of us, we’ll have just about enough to fill a roster. Besides, Nadia’s proven to me what I’ve always believed, and that I’m feeling now in ways I never imagined possible – becoming a mother is the most fulfilling experience a man can have.”
Ramirez went on to apologize again to team and fans alike for what he called the “unfortunate timing” of his suspension, reiterating that he was unaware that any problems might ensue. He further added, “I’d planned to play the rest of the season if at all possible, but I guess it’s probably better I stay off my feet for a while.”
He also defended his Octomom BFF from some of her harshest critics, saying “… people can stop complaining about taxpayers footing the bill for her. Even with the suspension, I can afford to take care of everyone — and our second team too.”
Reaction from the baseball community was mixed. Most of Ramirez’ current Los Angeles Dodger teammates simply shrugged their shoulders saying, “That’s just Manny being Manny”. His former Boston Red Sox teammates shared a much broader scope of viewpoints, however, ranging from, “deep down, he’s always been a ‘mother’,” to “the hormones of a pregnant woman explains a lot”.
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