Treasury Secretary to Become ‘Talent Coordinator’ for Larry Flynt Productions
Saying he’s “dying to find out how many of the things taxpayers have been suggesting Administration officials do are actually physically possible,” Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson today announced his approval for the bailout package requested by Hustler Magazine publisher Larry Flynt and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ producer Joe Francis. He also added that his decision has nothing to do with what he described as “a long-standing offer” to become a ‘Talent Coordinator’ for Larry Flynt Productions’ ‘LFP Video’ movie company upon the swearing in of Timothy Geithner, his nominated successor for the top position at the Treasury Department.
The total of what industry analysts describe as ‘an unprecedented package’ has yet to be determined. The amount requested by Flynt and Francis is $5 billion, representing the decrease in the industry’s annual revenue over the past three years, but a somewhat cryptic Paulson explained, “Five is a number nobody would even mention publicly where I grew up. Generally you start with six, and work your way up from there until you get the desired results. Of course, sometimes five might be more than enough – what’s important is maximum utilization – in layman’s terms ‘how you use it’. If I had to commit to a number today, I’d have to say 6 to 6½, with the possibility that it might grow to 8 depending on such factors as performance in the near term, and the viability of sustaining growth over the long term.”
When asked by reporters if there might be a conflict of interest in light of the fact that he has accepted a position to work for a party directly involved in the bailout, a somewhat testy Secretary Paulson responded, “Look, I could have chosen to keep it under wraps until later, but I put the whole thing out on the table hoping to avoid exactly these sorts of questions. People always wonder about these sorts of things, ‘Are they real, or are they fake?’ For those who want to believe the worst, all they will ever believe from me is that this is less than half the potential conflict of interest that Goldman Sachs is. For what it’s worth, since I came to Treasury in 2006 hoping to serve my country, I’ve passed up at least $50 million I could have made in the private sector. Money is not the most important thing in my life, and believe me, I plan to enjoy my retirement.”
House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank (D-MA), who has no authority over how Paulson distributes TARP funds, when reached for comment said, “I’m optimistic something good will come from this. American taxpayers have always known they were getting screwed, but I don’t think there are many who have, or even could have, imagined the number ways they have been or soon will be screwed. Those who take the time to scrutinize this plan and its results will learn things they never believed were even possible in that regard.”
Paulson’s press conference can be heard in its entirety by calling 1-900-BIG-HANK (a $3.99/minute charge applies)
The Desperate Blogger 