House Republicans Propose Putting Obama’s Picture on $100 Bill
President Obama, long at odds with GOP lawmakers over the type and extent of tax cuts to be included in the $800+ billion economic stimulus package, today unveiled a plan which would allow corporations and individual taxpayers to ‘create their own’ individualized tax cut.
Here’s how the plan would work. Wages, salaries, etc. would still be reported as they are now, and W-2 and 1099 form requirements will remain unchanged. “But there are a lot of other lines there,” said the President, “and there are parts of items that we currently require the taxpayer to self report. Under this plan, everyone can choose one item to eliminate. For example, employers will still report wages and salaries, but other income, such as tips, cash bonuses, gifts, etc. can be left off. Or, depending on your situation, you may choose to leave out capital gains, or interest and dividend income, or whatever item best suits you – as I said, there are a lot of lines there. Just indicate above where you sign your form what you’ve cut. So long as the rest is in order, you’ve got one ‘gimme’ compliments of Uncle Sam.”
“This is not a new idea,” the President continued, “And we know it can work. It’s worked for members of my Cabinet as it has for I’m sure many other individuals and business all across the country. What I’m proposing now is that this plan be instituted as policy and available to all.”
Senator Jon Kyl (R-AZ), who has not only been one of the harshest critics of the proposed stimulus package, but has also questioned the President’s commitment to bipartisanship on Capitol Hill, was among the first to praise the plan.
“I can’t tell you how delighted I am that the President, in this time national crisis, is crossing party lines to help all Americans the same way we in Washington have always helped ourselves,” the smiling Kyl told reporters, “This is change I can believe in.”
House Minority Leader John Boehner not only announced his enthusiastic support for the plan, but also his intention to introduce a bill which would replace the image of Benjamin Franklin on the $100 bill with that of Barack Obama. “I know Ben Franklin was a great American and had numerous great accomplishments. But this guy’s a f*****g genius,” he said in an interview with Tiger Beat magazine, “I wish I could tell you that many of us in Washington came up with the idea before the President did, but speaking for myself, I cannot say that – at least not until the statute of limitations expires.”
In a related story, an anonymous source at the Internal Revenue Service confirmed reports that an audit is currently underway to determine whether Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner properly reported income that he received when he was moonlighting as Health and Human Services Secretary nominee Tom Daschle’s driver.
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